I cannot stay at this house any longer.

I want to tell you that I love you

So badly
It hurts
The idea that I might not be able to tell you.
I want to scream

I want this to end.

These girls are annoying. So futile.

I can't do this anymore.

"I'm a warrior"

I guess I should focus more on the things I want. I mean, it's actually pretty goddamn hard BUT

I need to be determined..... I guess.

I need to go out more.

- Suicide Squad
- Star Trek Beyond
- Captain America: Civil War
- Finding Dory (with my friends)
- Aquarius
- Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
- X-men Apocalypse

Those were all movies I wanted to see this year in the cinema. I didn't go to any of them. I didn't even watched the Oscar's nominees.

I'm sad.

Isolated in my own house. GREAT!

"You're healthy. You're fine"

Am I really? Really? I'm healthy. Oh, okay. I didn't realize my depression was gone.
No, but sure. I'm completely fine. I just have to ignore it, right? I'm fine. I'm completely fine. There's nothing wrong. I'm fine.

What's wrong with people??????

Seriously. Does my mom think I'm in theraphy to pretend my problems are solved? To learn how to ignore them? Fuck that. Just fuck it.

Family.

It's a funny concept. They're LITERALY just people that you're supposed to love uncondicionaly because they're with you since day one. It doesn't really matter if you get along, like you do with friends. You're kind of stuck with them even if they toxic to you.


Is it really as good as people pretend to be?

Why do people ask you stuff when they're not really interested

What is the reason you do the things you do?

Would I care less?

I've never imagined there would be a time when I'd feel the need to hear compliments.

I hate my face.

I want to look pretty

I never cared about the way I look.

Why now?
Why?
Why do I care?
Why should I care?
Why now?
I hate this.
I can't sleep. This is stupid. I'm sorry.

People say that to solve a problem you need to acknowledge it first. So here it is:

I hate the way I look. I don't follow the beauty standarts.
Lately I've been trying to, actually. Quietly trying to look "prettier".
And to be honest, my self-steem was a lot better when I didn't give a shit about all of this.
Now I just hate myself again.

I feel like insanity is just around the corner

Don't you find it funny, that everybody just assume they can't lose their minds? Think about it.
Everybody act like being crazy is something that could never happen to them. The only exception is if something sad or tragic happened.
That's not the case. Think about it.

People act like everything is in order.
Is always in order. It should be in order.
If something isn't, then there's something wrong with that thing.
But...
We were the ones who did that.
We were the ones to put order in everything.

Order is the preference. C h a o s  is reality.

Something tells me that if I let my mind become pure chaos, there will be no turning back.
The problem is that It's easy to let that happen. Easy and scary.
You just gotta stop trying.

Maybe someday I'll feel real